I Wanted To Feel Clean Again

I was drinking heavily and doing a lot of cocaine but because I was able to "function" I didn't think I had a problem. During this time I was mentally and emotionally dead. I couldn't feel things anymore and even when I wanted to feel something I didn't have the proper reactions to situations. I was dying. My body was deteriorating rapidly and I was very sick frequently. The drugs and alcohol were killing me. You see, I did want to die - the greatest way to not deal with anything is to die and that is the drug addict's ultimate dream, but something kept pulling me back; after I ended up in the hospital after a blackout I did stop once for 8 months, I went through pure unadulterated hell from the withdrawal which lasted about a month. Afterwards I would still crave the drugs and alcohol. It was madness. I couldn't stop thinking or dreaming about them. I went to meetings during this time and then I started to drink after the meetings, then I progressed to using the drugs again, mostly cocaine. My sponsor once told me 'It 's OK, you 're not ready to quit yet SO if you have to drink, then drink, and when you are ready to quit you will know it. You may just have to go down further before you make the decision to stop.' I thought it was a bunch of garbage because every day I did want to quit but I couldn't.

I went to a chiropractic seminar and they talked about the Narcononprogram. I took a pamphlet with Kirstie Alley's picture on it and called. I asked for information and then I didn't think about it, until that July 4th weekend. I went on a binge from July 2 to the early hours of July 5th and I realized that I did have a major problem. I called Narconon Arrowhead and was there 72 hours later.

I was looking forward to the sauna because I wanted all the alcohol, drugs and residues out of my body. I wanted to feel clean again instead of feeling sick all of the time. I went into the sauna with cloudy eyes, feeling sick all the time and no energy. I came out a new born. I thought it couldn't get any better, but I was wrong.... the life skill courses here at Narconon Arrowhead really enable you to take control of your life, actions and environment. You make the decisions for yourself without ever having to justify another thing.

- Narconon Graduate

Read more information about alcohol and other drug addiction treatment and rehabilitation.

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» I wanted to feel clean again

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